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Britain’s ATM: How Indefinite Leave Has Become the Nation’s Most Generous Bank Machine

A quarter of non-EU migrants with settlement status are now claiming benefits in the UK, as government plans to double qualifying periods collide with its cash dispenser reputation.

Panic Stations at Maternity: Dad Delivers Baby as NHS Midwife Legged It

A father delivers his own baby in an Oxford hospital as the assigned midwife abandons ship. NHS maternity excellence reaches spirited new lows with family forced to fend for themselves.

McDonald's Unleashes Easter Frappe Frenzy: Because Nothing Says Resurrection Like Crushed Mini Eggs...

McDonald's unveils its latest Easter miracle: a Cadbury Mini Eggs Frappe and McFlurry, both launching in March. Because in Britain’s ceaseless hunt for flavour innovation, subtlety is now officially off the menu.

The Great British Send-Off: Would You Like To Be Mushrooms, Moon Dust, or Drain Cleaner

From underwater memorials to human composting and 'boil in the bag' burials, the British funeral is unrecognisable. The dearly departed are now busy saving the planet and confusing their grandchildren.

Labour Defines 'Anti-Muslim Hostility'… And Possibly Free Speech

Labour's £4 million definition of 'anti-Muslim hostility' promises to tame hate – and, possibly, public debate. Critics warn a chilling breeze for free speech is coming from Westminster.

Britain's £40,000 Goodbye: The Government’s Most Expensive Immigration Exit Yet

The government unveils a new scheme handing failed asylum seeker families up to £40,000 to leave Britain voluntarily, out-earning the average Brit’s annual salary and raising questions about Labour’s immigration sanity.

Britain’s Literary Elite Publish Blank Book: Big Tech Finally Gets the Authorship It Deserves

Almost 10,000 authors are publishing a completely blank book to protest Big Tech's desire to gobble up creative work for AI. Meanwhile, ministers plan to do what they do best: delay any actual decisions.

Westminster Launches Bold Offensive Against Teenagers’ Internet Access, Proposes Virtue Signal Ban

MPs prepare to banish under-16s from social media, dreaming up plans to outwit tech-savvy teens. A political storm is brewing as MPs are being urged to revolt against proposals to ban under-16s from social media. Critics say the plan could turn Britain into the world’s most awkward digital babysitte...

Whitehall’s Annual Malaise Survey: Staff Bored, Unchallenged, and Yearning for a Better Couch

A new survey reveals that Whitehall's best and brightest are suffering unprecedented hardship: boredom, too many perks, and the agony of working from their own sofas. Can the Civil Service survive such internal chaos?

Brits in Dubai Rediscover Abandonment: Missile Crisis Sparks Selective Forgetfulness for Pets

Pet-owning expats in Dubai have found a novel solution to wartime travel woes: strategic memory-loss regarding their animals. Animal sanctuaries and shelters are deluged while airlines enforce a strict 'no pets, just panic' policy.