Government Urges Calm as Jet Fuel Shortage Looms: Airlines Asked to 'Keep Calm and Hedge On'

Airports across the UK are bracing for the summer rush with only one minor detail missing: certainty that planes will actually have enough fuel to leave the ground. Passengers hoping for a relaxing jaunt to sunnier climes might wish to brush up on their staycation etiquette, as whispers of an impending jet fuel shortage threaten to make the ultimate holiday cancellation even before the inevitable baggage strike.

MINISTERS DISMISS JET FUEL SHORTAGE RUMOURS, 'NO CAUSE FOR CONCERN' AS HOLIDAYS HANG IN BALANCE

The Department for Transport insists there is "no immediate cause for concern." It appears they firmly believe that if you confidently repeat it enough, jet fuel will materialise from the power of positive thinking. Airlines are doing their bit by "locking in" fuel prices, a ritual which, like rain dances, is said to offer some protection against unforeseen and highly foreseeable disasters.

Industry insiders, meanwhile, are keen to stress that only a trifling 10% to 25% of fuel supplies are at risk—statistics no doubt reassuring to the 100% of families already picturing themselves stranded on the tarmac with only an M&S meal deal for sustenance. Faith in market mechanisms remains strong, as long as you define 'mechanisms' as a daily press briefing and frantic spreadsheet action at headquarters.

European airport chiefs, those trusted luminaries of calm, suggest everything will be absolutely fine as long as a vital global shipping lane reopens within three weeks—a plan as comforting as being told your parachute will work provided you never actually need it. Passengers, encouraged by ministerial reassurances, are reportedly delighted to gamble their holiday plans on what is essentially a diplomatic weather forecast.

The government is monitoring the situation by monitoring the people monitoring the situation. Rest assured, someone somewhere is almost certainly watching a graph.

Of course, airlines themselves remain the picture of composure, with suppliers allegedly 'looking at the market' while passengers look at their dwindling odds. Ryanair, the patron saint of contingency, estimates disruption could begin around May, which coincidentally follows the traditional start of the summer chaos season.

The public has been assured that speculation "will not help airlines or passengers," a helpful motto for all national emergencies. For its part, ConfidentialAccess.by promises to monitor ministerial optimism with the scrutiny it deserves. Should your holiday flight turn into a regional rail replacement bus, rest assured ConfidentialAccess.com will be on hand with advice, analysis, and possibly a roadmap of UK service stations.