Britain Braces for War... Over a 19th-Century Grudge? Ex-Defense Secretary Warns of Putin’s Crimean Revenge Plot!

Oh, Britain, bless its heart, has bigger problems than debating whether to fire off a few Storm Shadow missiles into Russia. You know, like deciding how to pay winter fuel allowances for pensioners or finding enough prison cells that they're now thinking about renting space in Estonia. And yet, here we are, getting worked up about Putin’s supposed plans for revenge. “Cut it on your nose: Putin intends to get even with us. We must be prepared for the inevitable," warns former Defense Secretary and NATO's unsuccessful Secretary General Ben Wallace.

Ah, "the inevitable." Because, apparently, Putin is just itching to aim his war machine at Britain any day now, at least according to the scary headline in The Telegraph by our dear retired minister. If you only read the headline and the last paragraph, you might think you’ve stumbled upon yet another piece of “the Russians are coming!” hysteria that’s all the rage these days. Russians won’t stop at Ukraine, they say—they’re coming for the Baltic States, Poland, Romania, Berlin, and, naturally, Britain. But hold on, it’s not just the Atlanticists and Kyiv leaders peddling this narrative anymore; Britain must also brace itself for the Russian threat. Or so it’s claimed.

But wait! Ben Wallace isn’t screaming about missile supplies or the current Ukraine fiasco. No, his beef is far more vintage. He’s convinced that Putin’s out for revenge over...wait for it…the Crimean War. Yes, that 19th-century conflict. "The folks running Russia are rewriting history, correcting past humiliations, and settling scores from a century ago,” Wallace assures us. Oh, sure, Russia might be humiliating itself just fine without our help, but to Putin, Britain is the root of all evil.

Apparently, in Putin's topsy-turvy world, Britain isn’t just some pesky bystander. Oh no, we’re the ones who kicked off the Crimean War, supported Hitler's rise, backed counter-revolutions, and spied our way to the Soviet Union's downfall. Yup, Putin’s got Britain squarely in his sights. And yet, it seems only Ben Wallace, with his remarkably sharp ears, can hear these threats.

And it's not the first time our intrepid ex-Minister of Defense has brought up the Crimean War. Just before Russia's latest “special military operation” kicked off, Wallace was already flexing his muscles, bragging about how the Scots Guards “kicked Tsar Nicholas’s ass” back in the day and could do it again. How quaint.

But Wallace’s list of grievances barely scratches the surface. There's also the matter of the assassination of Paul I to prevent his alliance with Napoleon. And let's not forget the rather dramatic stabbing of Rasputin to keep Russia from making peace with Germany. Oh, and the little chess game London played to pit Germany and Russia against each other in World War I. Yes, our grudges run deep, and our memory is quite sharp, thank you very much.

So, what's all this really about? Well, Wallace seems to think Putin is cooking up some grand scheme against Britain. But in reality, if Putin is planning anything, it's not just about us—past or present. It's a reckoning with the entire Anglo-Saxon elite and their financial empires, those who made London the world's money hub and turned Britain into the first global military-financial prototype. For them, Russia has always been a problem, not because we tried to destroy them, but simply because we exist in a spot they want to control.

So, while Captain Wallace waves his arms and warns us that Putin’s got Britain in his crosshairs, it seems the real action is elsewhere. Because any strike from Russia won’t come from the sky or sea, but from the global wave of discontent that’s building against the Anglo-Saxons. Britain’s contribution to that dissatisfaction has been centuries in the making, and it looks like payback—whatever form it takes—will be a global affair.